false

And the worst part is now I know that you know
I wish you knew that I know
Maybe you do, in fact

Maybe you know exactly how life is all for me at the moment, but you choose to turn away from that image. The one you vividly remember, the one you, yourself, have been trying to strip from any sort of memory left in your young, HEARTbroken soul. Covered now by that little pipe dream, that you said you had. Oh yes, the one that "you knew" we all had. Desired by all of us that listen to this and read that. Your hipster boyfriend. He smothers your wounds in his lovely panacea, you ease into his comforting grip and you know your home now. You have been cured. The fact that you stripped this away from someone else... That never crosses your easy go lucky mind. You murdered what we had, tearing it, watching it suffer. As you sit back and smile sweetly at what you have created. Because that was precisely the idea you had in mind. Selfish tactics to get what you desperately wanted, needed. And if you knew you'd shove my agony away. I am merely a stranger, after all. There's no reason to care, right? Wrong.


If you only knew.


I know that you feel for my pain. You have been here. You of all people, you know this endless struggle.
The thing is that you do not think about me. And why would you?
You're consumed up in something beautiful. Beautiful enough to sway you to forget your unpleasant past. The one I deal with now. The one you've done everything you can to avoid and to numb yourself from. Well, now you have that. And I have this.


If you dug down, deeper and deeper, to the bottom of everything you've ever known... I know you would care. I know you would know. Know what you always knew but did not come to see. Because all you knew at that very moment is what I used to know. Knowing that is quite the life lifter, heart filler, emotions charged and eyes wide open with happiness. Knowing that is something anyone of our kind (the female kind) could enjoy, bringing delight to simply every dark corner, or so it seems. Knowing, what a lovely feeling knowing is.



But I will tell you what I know. Something that you know. I know that what you have right now plumps you up so full of serotonin, butterflies, laughs, smiles, nervousness, and longing to spend just one more moment. And I know that it ends. I know that someone new, for either party, will come along. One of you, will be left alone. Left in my place to rot, just as I am. And for the life of me, I can not decide which I'd rather it happen to. Something that I would not wish upon anyone really, but something that you have honestly caused and everyone has their turn. THAT makes me wish it upon you. Once you are here though, then is when you will know. That's all I really want. I want you to know I want you to realize. I want you to remember what you have felt as well and know that, that is what has demolished my life. That is what I deal with on this day to day basis. That is something your uncomfortably familiar with. I know that you know what this is like, I wish that you would just know that I know.